star gaze...

as i have done nothing all day besides lying around on my bed, on my couch- trying to recover from my improperly aligned circadian rhythm from my weekend activities, i felt ashamed that i accomplished nothing and that the day has gone to waste. as i mentioned, i wanted to start my christmas shopping for family and friends, but i got around to buy some silly gifts at cost plus. as i was declaring that a dreary day as come and gone-----

my secret love jamie had another star appearance at my starbucks. he showed up just before 6pm, as i was just getting ready to come on the floor to start my shift. he ordered a grande caramel macchiato. sigh... hes so beautiful.

i am not sure of his purpose in the area, in the cafe. after he got his drink, he sat down at a table in the corner and read the paper. i dont know if he was waiting for someone or was just chilling. whatever he was doing, he looked beautiful. hahahahaha. after i saw him, i went inside the kitchen and informed the other other jamie (my shift supervisor that laura and i also pick on) that there's a pseudo celebrity in our cafe. i was trying to explain to him that he's "jamie from the bachelorette." (hmmm, maybe i should start using last names here-- too many jamies can be confusing!) so jamie croskey my supervisor (whos quite hot too, btw) never watched the show so didnt really know whats up- even though i already had to explain the story behind jamie blyth over the summer when he showed up at our cafe. so hes like, oook whatever, i dont really know who he is. so croskey came out to the floor to check out blyth. he then told me, yeah i guess he's kinda cute, but i dont hes all that. i was like, fine, whatever, IIIII think hes HOT!

OMG, then for the next 15 plus minutes, croskey kept giving me shit! all this is what he said: hes like, is your boy still here!?? i can give you a break and you can go talk to him!! come on, christine, you should just go and ask him out. pretend like you never watched the show, and just say, hey i noticed that you've been here and i think you are kind of cute, do you wanna go out sometime? go christine, there is your chance! he is just sitting there alone reading the paper, go talk to him.

hahhahaha, knowing me, of course i didnt wanna make a fool out of myself. i was like, ahhhh leave me alone!!! how often do people randomly ask YOU out when you are just sitting there doing your own business? if someone comes up to me and ask ME out randomly, i'd be like, uh probably not. if the guys is super cute and seemingly nice- maybe. point is, i am not even super cute and only asian- why the hell would he even consider such offer? before i post this, i know this is what basia would say, you should ask him out! even if he says hes not interested, you would have at least tried.

or-- maybe it is that i always want things that i cannot have, but when i have a remote chance for something, i freak out and chicken out. it seems safer and prettier to dream than realizing that what you get is not as good as how you dreamed. this goes for people, goals, and other things my life too.... is it that i am too lazy to go out of this comfort zone that i know i am not completely happy with? is it that i know what i want but am afraid of rejection- or is it that i dont know what i want at all? hmmm...

all so silly! too many jamies.